Things that drive me crazy…AKA ‘Rules of my humble abode’

My kitchen may be tiny, but this small 10×10 space is my own personal sanctuary. It also happens to be the one place where I always seem to end up in when I need to reflect and think. Some people may think it’s weird, but it’s the sole reason I do not own a garlic press. Therapy to me, is when I can finely mince three or four entire heads of garlic. The kitchen is the heart of my home – the place that I feel the most comfortable in…and it’s set up in a way that I can find everything….even blindfolded. Seriously.

Here are some simple rules of my humble abode. These are the things that drive me absolutely stark raving mad. Call them the deal-breakers if you ever want to be invited back for a dinner party. If you can deal with my rules, then you are definitely welcome at any time.

1. PLEASE take off your shoes when you enter my home. I take off my shoes in my own house, no ‘ifs’, ‘ands’ or ‘buts’. Don’t give me some crap excuse that you are only walking a few steps to use the sink / bathroom / sit on the couch. If I can remove my shoes to do the same task, then you should grow some manners and do the same. Unless of course, you WANT to mop up all the mud you just tracked across my super clean floor.

2. DO NOT change the seasoning of the entire dish because you “think” it needs more lemon. I have worked hard at preparing the nosh to the preference of my family. If you don’t like what I have done, please adjust the seasonings on your own portion. Just because you have the same number of taste buds as a rock doesn’t mean you should ruin the dish for everyone else.

3. My fur-babies are my kids. If you don’t like them, don’t come over. I don’t tell you to lock up your children…so please don’t tell me to lock away mine.

4. Read #1, #2 and #3 again for good measure. These really annoy me. Did I mention that these three points drive me crazy?!

5. When you are a guest at my house, please stay out of the kitchen. If I need help, I’ll ask. Trust me, I have a small kitchen and you are just slowing me down. If you are really insistent, you’ll most likely be assigned to dish duty.

6. Rule #5 only applies if you have been invited over to be a dinner guest. If we are having a cooking party, then by all means…cook away my friend.

7. I’m a huge believer in cleaning up as you work (I was lucky to be trained by chefs). I WILL clean up after you non-stop because you have splashed vodka and juice all over my kitchen, then walked away leaving something that looks like Chernobyl happened. I’m OCD like that….so don’t tell me to sit down and relax.